I remember when the kids were young and their dad and I were still in love. The places we lived when he was in the USN, the people we knew during those years, the joy, and the sadness. Two of my sons do not speak to me these days. I have had to accept that as something I cannot change...but when I am sitting here reflecting I see them as they were back then. It is a beautiful reprieve from the sadness of our reality.
I guess as simplistic as it may sound I find that for me each day is a new adventure; I get up, I go to work, I meet new people, I do new things and I keep learning. The energy to keep on comes from the physical process of moving forward.
I know that I have outlived my mother who passed away at the age of 58...truly never thought that would happen. She was such a strong woman...
Today, each new and wonderful experience is for her...she did not get to live her life to the fullest so my sister and I do it for her whether it is seeing the breathtaking northern lights in northern Alberta or the majestic mountains in the southwestern US.
My life is very gratifying and I really don't know how many days, or weeks, or months I have before I lose my mobility or my strength because this disease multiple sclerosis will take its toll over time.
I am reminded when I'm sick that a simple sinus infection causes my symptoms to flare and brings me to my knees. A simple crumb or sip of water takes my breath brings me to down while I find myself choking, vomiting, and struggling to breathe. The frustration that I feel is a thin mask for the fear that keeps me humble...I cannot give up. I WILL not give up.
So each day is an opportunity for me to experience anything other than the reality that, like so many others subject to a disease, I know the clock ticks away the moments without regard for me.
I am planning to take five or six days off to go back to my little house next month to have a few things done. It will be spring there and as such the water will under the cottage, there will be pipes to check, propane tank to fill, and a time of being home again with friends and family.
Silver Lake is very pretty whether it is winter, fall, spring, or summer. The ice fishing will be booming if the weather has been consistently cold. Most years the huts and trucks across the thickened ice surface of the lake. Ice Fishing at Silver Lake
When I think of my little shanty and bunkhouse I remember my flower beds and I have to remind myself that there will be snow...lol.
So as I sit and reminisce I am humbled by the fact that no matter what my life entails (illness, being estranged from two sons, being away from home, etc) I really do find that my life today is peaceful and I am happy in a contented way that is a balm to my spirit.
Sign me, Living Simply in New Haven, CT waiting to go back to Small Town America, M
I will be the Mistress of the Moonlight...sitting by the fire under the stars: